Listen to it here via Smule.
Left, left, oh right,
Dora, these girls’ selfies hinder,
Gotta get some dimples on Tinder.
Swiper, no swiping,
Get your own damn app,
Let me start typing,
before I get off track.
There’s Amy, she got a cute smile,
just something about her in her profile,
the way she says she’s a conversationalist
but she drops a link to check out craigslist.
Then there’s Jessica, I hope she stays for a while,
the way her eyes are wide open like a hungry crocodile,
She says she’s from Florida, but I beg to differ,
she keeps getting closer as I get stiffer.
Left, left, oh right.
Got a new match, her name is Rebecca,
I feel like I won the Facebook trifecta.
She has five mutual friends, one of them is a cousin,
drama never ends when I already learned from this lesson.
Finally, I swipe right to a hottie,
this girl has a breathtaking body,
give me CPR, I am ready to flat-line,
can’t believe I found someone legit online.
She responds back with her digits,
I give her a call not expecting to get shits,
Michaela sounds like a dude,
the way she tries to sound like Bieber,
some punk ass kid made me believer her.
Her voice starts to crack,
my boner descends,
“The name’s Jack,”
let’s be friends?”