Catfish

Catfish

Listen to it here via Smule.

Left, left, oh right,

Dora, these girls’ selfies hinder,
Gotta get some dimples on Tinder.
Swiper, no swiping,
Get your own damn app,
Let me start typing,
before I get off track.

There’s Amy, she got a cute smile,
just something about her in her profile,
the way she says she’s a conversationalist
but she drops a link to check out craigslist.

Then there’s Jessica, I hope she stays for a while,
the way her eyes are wide open like a hungry crocodile,
She says she’s from Florida, but I beg to differ,
she keeps getting closer as I get stiffer.

Left, left, oh right.

Got a new match, her name is Rebecca,
I feel like I won the Facebook trifecta.
She has five mutual friends, one of them is a cousin,
drama never ends when I already learned from this lesson.

Finally, I swipe right to a hottie,
this girl has a breathtaking body,
give me CPR, I am ready to flat-line,
can’t believe I found someone legit online.

She responds back with her digits,
I give her a call not expecting to get shits,
Michaela sounds like a dude,
the way she tries to sound like Bieber,
some punk ass kid made me believer her.

Her voice starts to crack,
my boner descends,
“The name’s Jack,”
let’s be friends?”

Cultural Desire

Cultural Desire

Indulge the hot chocolate interracial bliss,
caressing the curves of a coffee mug.
Topped with a light whipped cream kiss,
sensational burning lips; a fertility drug.

Indulge the passion of Senorita’s wild bull,
Ven aqui, mi corazon dulce, pon lo en la mesa.”
The sight of red velvet sheets arouses her soul,
“Ay dios mio, me duele de la cabeza!”

Indulge the Asian cuisine with the Year of the Snake.
I am an Earth Snake; a Virgo Snake. Let me slither your way.
Ni shi měi​lì (你是美丽). How much is there at stake?
Wo ai ni (我爱你). Tell me how much I should pay.

Indulge in One Thousand and One Nights engulfed in heat.
No intentions of larceny, but eloping is true love.
Habibti, allahu akbar (الله أكبر)! Fate is in our hands; replete?
Irresistible kisses of a red pepper hummus dish served with a shove.

Indulge in a world full of women in a world full choice,
taste their desire for a romantic tourist lost in their eyes.
Mesmerized by their sensual distinction; the accent from their voice.
An internationally captivating desire lingers within the sighs.

Mr. Enchanting

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Mr. Enchanting 

Oh, hello dear. Are you lost?
Can I show you the way?
I can tell you where you are, if I may?
 
[Disney related music plays in the background]

In a dark hole of black abyss,
you wish you knew, someone like this …

A passionate man with a heart full of gold,
the arms wrapped around you when you’re always cold.
A compassionate man with two shoulders, behold!
The emotional support that you were never told.
 
My dear, you are trapped inside a love affair,
stuck with a man who doesn’t care!
You toss and turn because life isn’t fair,
come with me, princess, I have so much more to share!
 
A man to take your hand and go for a ride,
let your heart race faster, don’t let it hide.
“Watch the stars,” he says, not pointing at the skies.
“They are beautifully bright,” referring to your eyes.
 
When you lie your head upon his chest,
he whispers softly, “This lullaby is simply the best.”
You hear his heart beat at such a pace,
when it’s you, my dear, filling the vacant space.
 
Step away from the puddles, don’t feel insecure,
the man you’re with would waste a FleurBurger, for sure!
How did a lower class man end up with such beauty and elegance?
Last time I checked, there’s still a chance!
 
A chance to take with a man for your heart,
not like the last who wanted your ass from the start!
You’re not an option, don’t ever settle for less!
You’re a priority, my dear, there’s so much more to express!
 
Forehead kisses, cheeks to impress,
nose to nose, could you guess what’s next?
A man to brush his lips across yours with such desire,
definitely a keeper, my dear! He wants you to perspire.
 
The way he snuggles you like a teddy bear,
the way he holds you with so much fear.
The look in his eyes tell you to stay,
don’t ever leave him if he feels this way.
 
Your heart is aside for someone cruel,
this he will understand, my dear, but you’re with a tool!
Take a look! How does reality appear upon your lips?
Awaits emerald mountains topped with frosted tips.
 
Thy lips are bare, thy eyes shed fears,
thy body aches, makeup smears.
Thy mind is weak, thy heart is frail,
here we are, my dear, ahead is your trail.
 
Hesitate love, never regret fear,
after a push and a shove, I’m glad I’m here.
I am Mr. Enchanting, I spoke highly of myself with thee,
now let thy heart decide, my love,
if you want to be with M.E.